We build every relationship one honest conversation at a time.
What happens in most conversations is that we fail to speak honestly. As children we learned to filter our words. We were told certain words were impolite, rude, or hurtful. We were taught to use white lies, to hide the truth, and to shield others from potential pain. Our parents and teachers presented us ethical guidelines for life. The question is, in their quest to help us, did they really hinder us?
Do we need to tell people every single thought that is in our heads? No. Absolutely not. We don’t want to hurt others, but there are times when we should offer honest conversations.
Where Should the First Honest Conversation Begin?
How often have you been in a situation where you wished somebody told you the truth? How many times have you wished your best friend, parent, co-worker, spouse, or boss would have sat you down one-on-one, and in a compassionate and compelling way, told you something that could have spared you weeks of pain?
The problem is that sometimes we don’t want to know the truth, so we shield ourselves from other people telling us the truth by averting the conversation, interrupting, or even leaving. Why is that? Because we are afraid to have honest conversations with ourselves. We pretend everything is okay when the inside of us is jumbled into a huge mess of emotions, doubts, and anger. We believe if we pretend we are okay, then our issues will disappear. But have our issues ever disappeared without us working through them?
The Fear of Hearing Stops us From Improving
In order to have honest conversations with ourselves, we have to be able to listen. We are afraid to listen to constructive feedback, because we fear deep inside of us that something is wrong with us—that we are not good enough. Listening to constructive feedback is difficult, because we believe we should be perfect. If there are characteristics we need to correct, then we have failed.
How can anybody tell us the truth when we don’t even speak the truth to ourselves?
The trick in having honest conversations with ourselves is to love ourselves through the process, and to acknowledge we are on a journey through our lives of self-development. There will always be another level of learning. If we can believe we are good enough right now, and yet allow ourselves room for growth, we are in the perfect place to listen.
When we can speak honestly to ourselves in a loving manner, then we are ready to have honest conversations with others. When we fail to have those conversations, we are not avoiding pain, we are inviting it.
“All people are challenged in life. The ones who succeed are those who learn new skills to overcome their challenges.” -Coach Winn
I present a keynote presentation on Building Your Team Through Conversations. If you or your company are not exhibiting championship qualities, email me at email@example.com. Building winning teams is what I do.